Keep your email request short and neutral in tone. Example:

“Hi, Mr. Smith — Michael had an experience in class today that left him uneasy (OR: anxious/unsafe). I’d like to meet with you to get your sense of what happened and discuss how to address it. Please inform me of your availability.”

An in-person meeting is ideal for the best communication. Second-best is a virtual meeting; third is a phone call.

Plan what to say and consider your goals. If you’re nervous, practice with someone else or in front of a mirror. Make and bring notes to stay on track.

If possible, bring another person to the meeting who can take careful notes. That will allow you to take part more actively in the conversation.

• Stay calm. This could be challenging, but it improves your likelihood of receiving attention. It can help ease tension if you admit at the start that this situation is upsetting to you. Remember that you’re there to get a deeper grasp of the event and to collaborate on a resolution.
• Share what your child told you and explain the emotional impact on both of you.
• Get their observations, ask many questions, and restate what they say to confirm:
• “It sounds as if your view of the situation was ABC …. You mentioned you had observed XYZ. Am I getting that right? …. I want to be sure I’m understanding this correctly…”
• Take notes.
• If the issue involves another student, try—at least at first—not to judge. Social media is full of misinformation (inaccurate) and disinformation (deliberately wrong). It’s common for kids to repost or say things without fully understanding their meaning or impact (e.g., “From the river to the sea”).
• Always ask for a response by a set time and follow up if you don’t hear back. You may have several conversations on one level as you work toward a resolution. Unless you see progress or a good-faith effort within a reasonable time, escalate the concern.
• If the teacher or administrator asks for educational materials to use in the classroom, please provide them with a link to the toolkit’s Background Resources page. If they would like to speak to someone about local resources, please have them email us at info@edjfed.org.

Email your thanks and summarize the meeting, points of agreement, loose ends, next steps and timeframe for the expected reply. This provides you with a paper trail. Do this after each meeting:

“Thank you for taking the time to meet with me today. To help us keep track of the details, I’ve summarized our discussion in the points below. Please tell me if I’ve overlooked anything.”

Remember

• Avoid getting worked up or visibly angry. (If you tear up or cry, it’s OK.)
• Don’t issue threats or ultimatums.
• Take notes in every conversation and keep them in one place.
• Don’t leave without a clear understanding of what’s next and a timeline.

Attend school council meetings or other school events. Administrators are often there; go meet them.

Offer time for your school council. Even a small amount of time can provide a window into the workings of the school and make you a familiar face.

If you can’t get to school in person, email the principal and teachers to inform them about your family and any details you want them to understand, such as:

• if you keep Kosher

• your level of observance

• if your child wears a kippah

• any lived experience of antisemitism

You might ask questions, too. (Does the school have a Jewish club? Are there other Jewish students/families?) Mention you look forward to seeing teachers and administrators at parent conferences.

If your child will start at a new school in the fall, contact administrators the previous spring with the information above.

Share important dates. If your child will be absent for Jewish holidays, your introductory email is an excellent opportunity to make the principal and teachers aware.

Even better—every February, send your school the dates of major Jewish holidays for the following two school years. Make it clear to them that you are communicating early to prevent scheduling issues. In the fall, follow up by sending a reminder of these dates.

Plan ahead for trips. Schools usually plan multi-day school trips months in advance. Understanding that regular trips exist at your school makes it easy to give a heads-up well ahead of time. If the Grade 9 class goes to wilderness camp every March, for example, contact the school while your child is in Grade 8 and request they avoid planning the trip during Passover, when dietary laws may complicate travel.